


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,113

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [34]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 00:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7244557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues, as Obi-Wan recovers from his psychedelic adventure, Luke takes Chewie for a ride, and the quest to find another Wookiee continues. </p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,113

TATOOINE - Day 1,113:

As we entered the city of Mos Eisley, Luke was sitting on Chewbacca's shoulders pretending to fly a fighter and blasting all the unsavory aliens that walked the streets. I had my arm around Beru's shoulder, serving the dual purpose of steadying my gait and being affectionate. My hair and cloak were a disgrace as a result of having slept in the sand most of the night. And I felt like I had been run over by a bantha. 

I was still feeling the effects of the Bockta flowers. Chewie had said I was "tripping balls" last night, and called me a lightweight. Although I was no longer seeing Vader or talking animals, the sand appeared to be green and spongey, and I felt like I was sinking as I walked. 

I also noticed all kinds of new and strange animals that were being ridden through the streets of Mos Eisley. They had a hollow, artificial look to them. It was as if someone had set up a bunch of holograms around the city and we were expected to pretend that they had always been there. I don't know, maybe I was just losing my mind. 

"Ben, you look yucky today," Luke said, from high above. Chewie chuckled. 

"Ben's not feeling well," Beru came to my defense. "It appears that we can't trust these two together." She elbowed Chewie, as he continued to laugh. 

I was about to beg one of them to lunge my saber into my eye, to stop my brain from sloshing around, when Chewie pointed out that we had arrived. 

"This is the Cantina, Beru," I mumbled. "Maybe you and Luke should wait outside."

"Nonsense," she laughed. "If I'm not safe in there with a Jedi and a Wookiee, what chance do I have out here?"

"I'm only half a Jedi today." I attempted a smile. 

"She's right, man." Chewie added in his two credits. 

Luke began bouncing on Chewbacca's shoulders. "I wanna go! I wanna go! I wanna go!"

The boy's voice was like having an electrostaff shoved into my ear. So I conceded defeat. "Ok, fine. But stay close, things can get rough in there."

"Yay!" Luke screamed. "I wanna walk!"

Chewie lowered the boy to the ground, and the four of us entered the Cantina. It was the usual scene inside. My distaste for the place hadn't diminished. In fact, being hungover only made me despise it more. 

"Pick me up, pick me up! I can't see!" Luke demanded. When Chewie held the boy against his chest, Luke quickly surveyed the room. "Eww! That guy is gross!"

"Luke!" Beru chided him. "Mind your manners."

I whispered into Beru's ear, "But that guy is gross."

Beru smiled and slapped my Jedi butt. "You're not helping."

I turned to Chewie. "How do you know who we're looking for?"

Chewie, who had a much better view than all of us, said, "He's supposedly the only dude in here with tusks."

"And you're sure he knows the whereabouts of your Wookiee comrade?"

"I have no idea. But I can't ignore the lead." Chewie said with desperation in his voice. 

"That guy's ugly too!" Luke yelled. 

"Shhh!" Beru interjected. 

"There!" Chewie exclaimed, and pushed his way through the crowd. 

Chewbacca approached the walrus man, and we quickly realized that neither of us spoke his language. A hideous looking human with a nose that hung halfway off his face introduced himself. "Greetings, I am Cornelius Evazan. And this here is my associate, Ponda Baba. I'm assuming that you'd like to discuss business with him."

"Yes," I glanced at Chewie, "we are looking for someone that is similar in appearance to my friend here."

"I don't like him!" Luke yelled, looking at Ponda Baba. 

Cornelius chuckled, "Well little boy, I'm sure that he doesn't like you either." He turned towards me and asked, "Do you have the discussed credits?"

Chewie reached into his space messenger bag and pulled out the correct currency, and handed it to the ugly guy with the tusks. 

Ponda made some strange noises and Cornelius translated. "My friend says to visit Mos Espa. There you will find a blind Toydarian living in the streets. He has the information that you seek."

I leaned in so that only Cornelius could hear me, "If your friend is lying we will be back, and you don't want that."

So the four of us took my speeder to Mos Espa and almost immediately found the Toydarian living in a heap of garbage down a side alley. He sat in a makeshift chair and his eyes were glazed over with a milky substance. 

We approached him and I dropped a coin into his cup. 

"Ah, thank you." He said, in a gravelly voice. 

I spoke for Chewie, "A friend of yours in Mos Eisley said that you might be able to put us in contact with a Wookiee who frequents this area."

"And what's in it for me?" He grumbled. 

Luke laughed and yelled, "His nose looks like a shriveled up wiener!"

"Luke!" Beru scolded him. 

I squatted down so that this pathetic life form could hear the tone in my voice and take what I was saying seriously. "Tell us where the Wookiee is, or the Wookiee that's standing beside me will pluck your wings clean off."

"Go ahead outlander, I'm too old to fly anymore."

Chewie let out a growl that quickly changed the Toydarian's mind. "Ok, ok! The Wookiee you're looking for stays in the room at the end of this alley."

"I hope so," I said, motioning for the rest to follow me. 

As we stood outside the door, I stretched out with the Force to sense what was behind it. I rested my hand on Chewie's shoulder and informed him, "I'm sensing only one life form in there, and it's rather large."

Chewie made a giddy sound and handed Luke to Beru. He knocked loudly on the door and it slowly opened on its own. 

Standing there in the middle of the room was a green Trandoshan holding a mortar gun pointed right at us. 

He spoke with a snake's lisp, "Bossk is here to collect the bounty on the mighty Chewbacca!"


End file.
